Option A · You and him
Your relationship with him
In Option A, you and he are connected for many years through the child. This page says what kind of relationship that is: not romantic, but honest and respectful.
It is not a romantic relationship
He does not want a romantic relationship with you, and this will not change. You will not live together, and he does not expect you to wait for him.
What he hopes for is simpler: two parents who respect each other and talk honestly. In front of the child, they are kind to each other. Many parents who live apart manage this well, and it is easier when both agree on it from the start.
How you talk to each other
Messages are the normal way to stay in contact, with a call when something needs a real conversation. He answers in reasonable time, even when he travels, and he hopes you do the same.
News goes both ways. You tell him about the important things in the child’s life: health, school, moving home. He tells you about changes that affect his part in the plan, such as his travel or the dates of a visit.
When you disagree, you talk to each other directly, calmly, and not in front of the child. Who decides what explains what happens if you still disagree.
In an emergency
If the child is seriously ill or has an accident, tell him at once. He answers as soon as he can, wherever he is, and helps where he can.
You still decide about the child’s care. In an emergency, he supports your decision first and asks questions later.
If you have a new partner
Your private life is yours, and he does not expect to be asked about it. If a new partner becomes part of the child’s life, tell him. In front of the child, speak about each other with respect.
What matters to him is his own place. The child has a father, even a father who lives far away, and he hopes no one else takes that place.
You still have the final word, as on every big decision. The basic money for the child never depends on it. The extra help above that amount is different. It goes with his place as the child’s father. Money for the child explains the two levels.
When it works well
A good relationship between you makes everything easier for the child. It also changes what he can give. When you work well together, he gives more time, more help, and more support for the child’s plans. Money for the child explains this.