Option A ยท Decisions
You have the final word. He has a voice.
In Option A, the child lives with you and you raise the child. For big decisions, you listen to his opinion. Then you decide.
- School, religion, medical care and where you live: you make the final decision. He expects you to tell him about these decisions before you make them, and to ask his opinion. He gives it honestly. Then he respects your choice.
- Daily life in your home is your decision. Bedtime, friends, holidays and all the small daily choices. He does not expect a say in them, and he will not criticise them.
- The child is told the truth about how they were born. You agree together on the words, and on the right age. He will not pretend that he is simply away for work.
- If you have a new partner who becomes a parent to the child, he accepts it. You decide together how he fits in with them. He speaks about them with respect to the child, and he hopes they will do the same for him.
- When you disagree, you talk to each other directly. Not through the child, and not with silence. Most disagreements end with an honest talk. If one does not, you decide.
Why he says this now
Plans like this rarely fail because the father lives far away. They fail when nobody knows the rules. An opinion is given too often, a decision is made without a word, or an argument goes through the child.
Agreeing on this before pregnancy is kinder to both of you than finding out later. He has already made these decisions, even where they cost him something. He hopes you share them.
What he believes about raising a child, and about faith, is on the page His part in raising the child.